Us against the world

It's about nine pm and I've been thinking of what to write about for hours...

Well, as I said in my first&last publication I've already struggled with the coming out to my parents. Just because they always knew I was different it didn't make it easier to digest. And it's still a hard thing to go through for my father, but I try to talk to him about that as often as I can, to make him assimilate it.

I remember that when my Mom found out some "weird" convos with a lesbian friend of mine she stayed in silence for about a year until she told me she read that. Nah, I don't like that guy, it's like I admire him, that's all - I replied - and I didn't even believe it myself so it probably didn't convince her either. So Mom decided to take me to a Psychologist - who made me feel even worse about all the situation - and a Doctor to check my endocrinal system (hormones and staff) but my testosterones levels were good.

It's not a disease, it's not a choice, it's not something that came to me after I woke up a single morning. It is something I've always been with, since my conception and I can't be healed, even if I wanted to. 

Those were tough days and I felt so miserable since my Mom fell into a depression caused by many reasons, but mainly because of me and my homosexuality. Can you even imagine how powerless and impotent I felt for not being able to manage the situation nor my feelings, thoughts and sensations?


Even worse when it's about homophobes, how do you explain it all to them? I always try to convince people by just saying: Do you really think I'm that asshole to choose to be forsaken and rejected by just loving a guy? If I could have chosen something different, I would have, but it's not a decision I made. Some other guys prefer to say: It's not your business unless I'm fucking you. Sadly, none of those answers persuade people of the way they were raised, the brain-washing has gone too far in people born in the 50's and 60's and they are not going to change their minds.

But the reason why I write these paragraphs is because my boyfriend hasn't come out to his family and this is my way to show him my support. Even worse because, according to his words, his family is completely homophobic. What will they react like when they finally get to know the truth? I'm sure I will be able to help him with this terribly awkward situation. And in the worst case we can still run away, can't we?
He is just too sensitive and I don't even want to imagine how it'll hurt him, but it's something that must be known soon or late. I have my strenght, my ability to calm him down with a 'sh-sh-sh' sound, my knowledge about the many ways of reactions people can have, and above all my big and transparent love and support. If you are reading these words know that we are standing tall. I don't ever see the day that I won't catch you when you fall 'cause it's us against the world. 




True Love always triumphs and we are not going to break 'cause we both still believe, we know what we've got and we've got what we need so we are probably doing something right. To be invincible is the key, love.


Kocham cie.